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VIEWING 1 - 8 OUT OF 8 BLOGS.
Have you heard about this court case?
DATE: 07/09/2007 20:06:39 / MOOD: content
In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a wise judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared "Case Dismissed." The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, "Your Honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kppur and Hanukkah......yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays." The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said "Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate, his own atheists holiday!" The lawyer pompously said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?" The judge said, "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date.....April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as April Fools Day, consider that Psalm 14:1, Psalm 53 states, The fool says in his heart, there is no God. Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture he is a fool, thus April 1st is his holiday!" Pray that some day our courts will be full of these kinds of judges.... maybe then , we can put God back where He belongs.........in everything we do..... Way to go, Judge!
View Entry
Here I go Posting again.....
DATE: 06/19/2007 20:03:03 / MOOD: content
The Dam
This
is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his
property.
It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality,
State of Pennsylvania.
This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's
letter before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT:
DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear
Mr. DeVries:
It
has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there
has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of
property.
You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who
did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction
and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring
Pond.
A
permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of
the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.
Therefore, the
Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland
Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act
451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The
Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed
during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream
locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot
be permitted.
The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all
activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition
by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.
All
restoration work shall be completed no
later than January 31, 2006.
Please
notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up
site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this
request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case
being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would
appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me
at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L.
Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.
Here
is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
Re:
DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;
R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr.
Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to
respond to.
I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget
Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.
A couple of beavers are in the (State
unauthorized) process of constructing
and
maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project,
I think
they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
natures
building
materials "debris."
I would like to challenge your department to
attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you
choose.
I
believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam
skills, their dam resourcefulness,
their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence,
their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
  These
are the beavers/contractors you are seeking.
As
to your request, I do not think the beavers are
aware
that they must first fill out a dam permit prior
to
the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular
beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act,
I request completed copies of
all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.
(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301,
Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection
Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113
of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)
I have several concerns.
My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation?
The
Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said
representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.
The
Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a
recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence,
which the Department is required to protect.
In other words, we should leave
the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam
names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition
please contact the beavers --
but if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to
read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a
right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is
green and water flows downstream.
They have more dam rights than I do to live
and enjoy Spring Pond.
If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the
beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated
enforcement action right now.
Why wait until 1/31/2006?
The Spring Pond Beavers
may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff
to contact/harass them.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your
attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area.
It is
the bears!
Bears
are actually defecating in our woods.
I definitely believe you should be
persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.
If you are going
to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!
The bears are not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with
your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine,
I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU,
RYAN
DEVRIES
& THE DAM BEAVERS
Cna yuo raed tihs?
DATE: 06/17/2007 09:05:35 / MOOD: frustrated
Cna
yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100
can.
i
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny
iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The
rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is
bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a
wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can
raed tihs tlel oerhts aobut it.
View Entry
The IRS..and other Jokes
DATE: 06/05/2007 08:51:00 / MOOD: frustrated
The Internal
Revenue Service sends their auditor, a nasty little man, toaudit a
synagogue.
The auditor is doing all the checks and then turns tothe Rabbi and
says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the
Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he
asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up.
When we haveenough, we send them back to the candle maker.
And every now and
then, theysend us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor
somewhat disappointed that he actually had apractical answer. So he thought
he'd try another question, in his obnoxiousway...
"Rabbi, what about all
these matzo purchases?
What do you do with thecrumbs from the
matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the
crumbs,send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then
theysend a box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking
hard how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well,Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do
with all the foreskins from thecircumcisions? "
"Yes, here too, we do
not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is saveup all the foreskins. And
when we have enough, we actually send them to theInternal
Revenue Service."
"Internal
Revenue Service?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes,"
replied the Rabbi, "Internal
Revenue Service. And about once ayear, they send us a little dick
like you." ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::: A senior couple pulls up to a gas station:
Attendant: How may I help you?
Old Man: Please fill it up.
Old Lady: What did he say?
Old Man [yelling]: He asked what we wanted and I told him to fill it up.
Attendant: So, where are you heading?
Old Man: To Chicago to see our Grandchildren.
Old Lady: What did he say?
Old Man [yelling]: He asked where we're going. I told him we're going to see the Grand kids.
Attendant: It sure is a nice day for a drive.
Old Man: Yes, it's been quite pleasant.
Old Lady: What did he say?
Old Man: He said its good weather.
Attendant: Where are you coming from?
Old Man: We started our trip from Pittsburgh.
Old Lady: What did he say?
Old Man: He asked where we're from and I said Pittsburgh.
Attendant: I dated a girl from Pittsburgh once. She wouldn't shut up and was lousy in bed.
Old lady: What did he say?
Old Man: He says he knows you
Being hard of hearing is a blessing in disguise at times. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: : SIX LIFE LESSONS
Lesson 1: Naked Wife A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,… “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies.
“Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story:If you share critical formation pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish”
“Me first! Me first!” says the admin. Clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.
“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and cossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Lesson 5: Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: BS might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep in crap, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::
Thoughts on Love
and MarriageBy Our
Children...
HOW DO YOU DECIDE
WHO TO MARRY?You got to find
somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it
that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.-- Alan,
age 10
No person really
decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way
before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.-- Kristen, age
10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT
AGE TO GET MARRIED?Twenty-three is
the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.-- Camille, age
10
HOW CAN A STRANGER
TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?You might have
to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.--
Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?Both don't want
any more kids.-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE
DO ON A DATE?Dates are for
having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have
something to say if you listen long enough.-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a
treasure)
On the first date,
they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to
go for a second date.-- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON
A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?I'd run home and
play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote
about me in all the dead columns.-- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO
KISS SOMEONE?When they're
rich.-- Pam, age 7
The law says you
have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.-- Curt, age
7
The rule goes like
this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them.
It's the right thing to do.-- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE
SINGLE OR MARRIED?It's better for
girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after
them.-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD
BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?There sure would
be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?-- Kelvin, age
8
And The #1 Response
Was...
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A
MARRIAGE WORK?Tell your wife
that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.-- Ricky, age
10
View Entry
NBA or NFL?
DATE: 06/04/2007 12:26:40 / MOOD: frustrated
36
have been accused of spousal
abuse
7
have
been arrested for fraud
19
have
been accused of writing bad checks
117
have
directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3
have done time for assault
71,repeat71
cannotget a credit card due to bad credit
14
have
been arrested on drug-related charges
8
have
been arrested for shoplifting
21
currently
are
defendants in lawsuits, and
84
have
been arrested for drunk driving
inthe
last year
Canyou
guess which organization this is?
Giveup
yet?
.
.
.
Scroll down,
Neither,
it's
the
535
members of
The
United
States
Congress.
The
same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each
year designed to keep
the rest of us in line.
You gotta
pass this one on!
AND THEY JUST VOTED THEMSELVES $15,000 PER MONTH PENSION FOR LIFE AFTER
SERVING ONLY ONE TERM IN CONGRESS!!
Water Displacement #40
DATE: 06/03/2007 23:10:49 / MOOD: content
Water Displacement #40.
The product began from asearch for a rust
preventative solvent and degreaserto protect missile parts.
WD-40 was
created in 1953 bythree technicians at the San Diego Rocket
ChemicalCompany. Its name comes from the project that was tofind a
"water displacement" compound. They weresuccessful with the 40th
formulation, thus WD-40. TheCorvair Company bought it in bulk to protect
theirAtlas missile parts.Ken East (one of the original founders)
says there isnothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.When you read the
"shower door" part, try it. It's thefirst thing that has ever cleaned that
spotty showerdoor. If yours is plastic, it works just as well asglass.
It's a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop...Voila! It's now shinier than
it's ever been. You'll beamazed.
Here are some of the uses:
1)
Protects silver from tarnishing.
2) Removes road tar and grime from
cars.
3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4) Gives floors that
'just-waxed' sheen without makingit slippery.
5) Keeps flies off
cows.
6) Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7) Removes lipstick
stains.
8) Loosens stubborn zippers.
9) Untangles jewelry chains.
10)
Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11) Removes dirt and grime from
the barbecue grill.
12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots
fromoxidizing
13) Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14) Keeps glass
shower doors free of water spots.
15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and
marblefloors.
16) Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17) Lubricates
noisy door hinges on vehicles and doorsin homes
18) It removes black
scuff marks from the kitchenfloor!
Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff
markson flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish andyou won't have
to scrub nearly as hard to get themoff.
Just remember to open some windows
if you have alot of marks.
19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your
car ifnot removed quickly! Use WD-40!
20) Gives a children's play gym
slide a shine for asuper fast slide.
21) Lubricates gear shift and mower
deck lever forease of handling |
